You Only Fail When You Stop Trying to Succeed

Today, a memory from one of my many weddings popped into my head. (Yes, many — but that’s a story for another day. Maybe with snacks.)

This particular memory involved my daughter Amy, who was just nine at the time. She was going to sing at the ceremony. Amy had a beautiful voice, and she was prepared, confident, not the least bit nervous. She knew the lyrics inside out, backwards, upside down. She was ready to shine.

I wanted her to stand front and centre so everyone could see and hear her. She was thrilled at the idea.

But my mother — who could be controlling on a good day — insisted Amy should be tucked away behind the piano, lyrics in hand “just in case.”

There was a lot of heated discussion about it. Unfortunately, in front of Amy. And because I didn’t yet know how to stand up to my mother’s relentless pressure, I caved.

The result? Half the church couldn’t see or hear Amy. She never looked down at the lyrics once — because she didn’t need them. And afterwards, she was crushed. She had wanted to prove she could do it. She wasn’t given the chance.

I spent years regretting that moment.

Lessons in Doubt and Trying Again

Looking back, I can see what was really happening: my mother was projecting her own fear and insecurities onto Amy. It wasn’t about Amy’s ability at all — it was about my mother’s belief that she wasn’t enough, and therefore no one else could be either.

That was a pattern I grew up with. If I wanted to try something new, my mother’s immediate response was: “You can’t do that.” And for a long time, I believed her.

But here’s the truth I eventually learned: the only way you actually fail is if you stop trying.

Think about it. You can “fail” at quitting smoking 286 times. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means you haven’t succeeded yet. You might not nail it the first time. Or the fifth. Or the fiftieth. But as long as you keep trying, you’re still in the game.

The only real failure is deciding you’re done — that you’ll never try again.

“I Always Wanted to Play Piano…”

I’ve lost count of the number of adults who’ve told me, “I always wanted to play the piano.”

And my answer is always the same: “So learn.”

They laugh and say, “Oh, I couldn’t. I’m too old.”

And I think, Really? Is it that you couldn’t — or that you won’t?

Because here’s the thing: as long as you’ve got a pulse, it’s not too late.

Shadow and Light

I won’t sugar-coat it: sometimes trying again is painful. Especially if you grew up being told you couldn’t, or shouldn’t, or wouldn’t ever succeed. Those voices don’t disappear overnight.

But shadows don’t mean you’ve failed. They mean there’s light somewhere nearby.

Maybe you were raised in fear. Maybe someone convinced you you’d never measure up. Maybe you’ve carried the belief for years that you’re a quitter.

And yet… here you are. Still breathing. Still wanting more for yourself. Still thinking about the thing you secretly wish you could do.

That’s the beginning of everything.

Some Small Steps

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• What have I given up on that I still secretly want?

• Where have I let someone else’s doubt become my truth?

• What’s one thing I can try again — even in a small way?

And then? Do one tiny thing.

Write a single line.
Walk around the block.
Sign up for a class.
Toss the cigarettes.
Watch a tutorial.
Practice five minutes.

It doesn’t matter how small the action is. What matters is that you’re telling yourself, “I’m not done yet.”

The Real Victory

You don’t need a cheering crowd to validate your effort. You don’t need the world’s approval to start again.

Maybe today your victory is brushing your teeth, looking in the mirror, and saying, “I’m proud I didn’t give up on myself.”

Maybe tomorrow it’s sending that email, or writing that page, or refusing to let someone else’s “you can’t” drown out your “I will.”

Each act of persistence is like adding a tile to a mosaic. Over time, those tiny acts become something beautiful.

You’re Not a Failure

So if you’ve been waiting for a sign, here it is:

You are not a failure.

You are a work in progress. A mix of light and shadow. And every attempt you make is proof you’re still alive, still trying, still becoming.

You only fail when you stop trying. And you, my friend, are not done yet.